The Worst Days of Our Lives
by NotQuiteBerserk
Summary: Oneshot. Merlin returns home after the death of Balinor. Set between series 2 and 3. Please R


Sometimes our memories hold on to moments we would rather forget and lose others we would wish to hold on to. We forget the joys of everyday life and dismiss them as routine, while we remember all of the pain we have been through until our dying day.

This day would be one that Hunith never forgot.

It was midsummer, the people of Ealdor were enjoying the all too brief period between the planting and picking of crops. The village had recovered spectacularly from Kanen's attack almost two years ago. The relationship between King Uther and Cendred was becoming uncertain but that would not affect the small hamlet on the outskirts of the kingdoms. They had roofs over their heads and food in their belly. They were happy.

At midday the village received a visitor, Merlin had come home, but the grinning child that everyone knew and loved was long gone, this man had the haunted look of someone who had seen too much tragedy for his short lifetime. Perhaps six months ago he would have stopped to talk to his old friends, to smile and laugh and share gossip. But not today. Today that would only make what he had to do harder.

He hesitated as he reached his mother's home. He had been trying to find the right words as he made the short journey from camp to the village, but none would come. For a moment he debated simply turning round and walking away but he would never be able to live with himself if he did. He took a deep breath and ducked through the low archway that served as a door.

"Merlin?" Hunith smiled as she saw her son and went to embrace him but stopped when she saw the expression on his face. "Merlin what's wrong, why are you here?"

"Uther sent Arthur to look for the Lady Morgana. The patrol has set up camp about a mile away and I asked for a day's leave to visit." His voice lacked its usual light-hearted tone and he could not meet her eyes "Did you hear about the Great dragon's attack on Camelot?"

"Yes, everyone's been talking about how Prince Arthur slayed a dragon for months now." Hunith's answered, choosing not to question the abrupt change of subject. Merlin merely nodded, the rumours would have spread like wildfire, twisting and distorting as they went.

"It wasn't Arthur. After the first attack Uther sent Arthur and I to look for the only remaining dragonlord." Hunith barely held back a gasp, if Merlin had met Balinor then-

"We persuaded him to come back to Camelot but on the way home we were attacked." Hunith felt her knees go weak. She had pushed the thought of Merlin's father to the back of her mind, focusing on the present to block out the pain of the past, but with a few simple words from her only child all of the emotion she had been hiding from came rushing back.

"Is he- did he-?" She left the question half formed, the possibility unspeakable and yet she was desperate to hear the answer.

"He stepped in the way of a blow that was meant for me. He died in my arms." Hunith felt her knees give way, she collapsed into a chair that had not been there milliseconds before. Something was crushing her chest making it impossible to breathe. It couldn't be, it _could not_ be. The only man she had ever truly loved could not be dead. She felt a tear run down her cheek. She knew it was silly, but she had always had the fantasy in the back of her mid that when the day came that the ban on magic was lifted they would be reunited and do all the things they had meant to do before he had been forced to leave. And they would be a true family, just her, Balinor and Merlin, without the threat of execution hanging over them all. But that could never happen now.

Merlin watched as his Mother's legs failed her, he moved a chair that had previously been tucked neatly under the table so that she would not fall on the floor. It had taken him months to come to terms with his father's discovery and loss. He knew that it would be a hundred times worse for his mother.

"Did Guias tell you?" _that Balinor was your father._ Merlin nodded. Then recited the whole tail in detail, from him releasing the dragon to sparing it's life. It felt good to be able to talk to someone other than Guias for once and by the time he had finished talking the sun had gone way past its midday peak. Both Mother and son had tears in their eyes by the time he had finished and neither wanted to let go of the other. But the time, as it always would, when Merlin must return to Arthur's side. His heart may have been torn apart, but he would return with a smile on his face and a joke on his lips, and no one would notice they were forced. And no one ever could.

* * *

**Not sure about this one, Merlin seems too OCC and the ending is a bit abrupt, but thats just me. What do you think**


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